Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Nothing


A little home released in Denmark.  I'm not sure I need to say anymore other than thank you M.  Your honesty here is beautiful.  This little home was not captured as a photograph but I so love the thought of your Dad releasing it.

Thankyou for sharing.

xoxo
   ______________________________________________________________________________

I was 35, and I rang my father and told him I loved him.

I had not told him in fifteen years.

For fifteen years I had been unaware of the meaning I had attached to every single thought, action, interaction and feeling I had had - that I was not wanted.

I first experienced this when, as a 3 year old, I was hiding behind the front door of my grandparents' apartment. Mum was newly pregnant with my little sister, and dad was leaving us.

I was not wanted.

This feeling was supported every time I heard or felt something that made me feel uneasy.

When Dad joked 'it was lucky I was born the year before abortion was legalised in my country'.

When, after totally trusting my friend and her older sisters by using eyeshadow on my way to the school party, my Dad sternly declared that I was 'not going anywhere looking like THAT'.

When I saw the disappointment in my Mums eyes as I tearily shared my fear I might be pregnant at 17, the age she was when she fell pregnant with me.

I was not wanted.

I now believe that No-Thing in this world has a meaning, only the meaning I attach to it.

I rang my Dad and told him I love him. And he cried, and hugged Mum tight.

To me he is everything.

M.


My Dad released little home 272- NoThing at Sallingsund Færgekro, on the island of 'Mors' in Denmark.

9 comments. Thankyou for taking the time:

Marelle said...

what can I say tears are flowing

cathy@home said...

Lovely post.

Jen R said...

Wordless...so powerful

Nat - Muddy Farmwife said...

Very moving and so very true.

Maxabella said...

So moving. The power of 'i love you'. If only M's Dad knew that as she grew up. x

Mama of 2 boys said...

Wow Kellie, I am floored. Something just makes me want to hug little M tight and tell that child in her that she was loved. Some people just have a funny/terrible way of showing it. Powerful post, but so real, I love it xo

Posie Patchwork said...

Beautiful, i tell my mummy & daddy i love them every phone call, absolutely, i decided when i was 23 & pregnant, i wanted my future babies to be that close, open & loving with me, so i was going to be like that with my own parents. When they call & i'm out with friends, they say "oh, you say I love you Daddy" & i say "yes, why not!!" especially tough as my Mummy has Alzheimer's & doesn't know who i am anymore, so if she still understands what love is, she's feeling it from me. Love Posie

Nicky Singh said...

Wow,So brave to say I love you after that many years. I can't believe what you have been through.

Nicky Singh

Kim H said...

Oh, so beautiful! x